Browse Tag by writing
365, Prose, Writings

This is how I’d fallen out of love of him

This is how I’d fallen out of love of him:

I didn’t. It just that one day I woke up, and I just.. I just didn’t feel anything for him. Not love, not like, not hate, nor anger, not even sadness or disappointment, just.. nothing. Like my heart entered a sudden oblivion, and it just forgot. It forgot to remember to care for him or to think of him, and in a blink of an eye, everything about him, every feelings I associated with him is erased, and he didn’t matter anymore. Like he never really mattered at all.

And I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s a lot like looking at a blank grey canvas, what do you suppose to feel about it? Nothing, right? Nothing and just okay.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33

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365, Prose, Writings

Not all who wander are lost

Your soul feels so much like home, and when I met you, I finally understood what they mean when they say, ‘Not all who wander are lost’.

For I always find myself wandering back in your arms.

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

What hurts the most

It hurts, isn’t it? To receive from someone else the same love and attention you so much crave from him.

But that’s not what hurts the most.

To see him giving that same love and attention you want from him to someone else over and over again. To know that he’s fully capable to show you that love, but he just didn’t choose you, and he keep on not choosing you.

I think, that’s what hurts the most.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #31

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365, On Dreams, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

Never never

I woke up from a dream I can’t remember, and it feels like I lose someone I can’t even remember who. And it just feel sad waking up, knowing I can’t go back, and there’s no way to go back.

// i think this is a result of me reading Never, Never book by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher. I have a hard time remembering dreams recently. 😭

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365, Hushed Series (custom pieces), Prose, Writings

Why?

Do you remember our first day together, our first touch, the first time you told me you love me, the first time you held my face in your hands and kiss me? Or how about that day you decided “I would like her to be with me for the rest of my life. I think she’s the one,” or that fateful day when you ask for my hand? Do you still remember any of it? Because I do. I still do. And those memories burned longer and brighter on my heart, those memories are engraved on me, memories that I know you also have. So why did you do this to me? Why did you cheat on me and leave me after all the moments we’ve shared? Why?

I thought this kind of problems only happen in movies, or in novels I read. It’s not supposed to happen in my life. I mean it’s you after all. The half of my life, the one I trusted the most, the one I loved the most. But it did happen. The first time I caught you cheating, I forgave you. It hurts so much, but I still keep on forgiving you. My trust with you are irreparably broken, and could you blame me? But I still choose to forgive you. I choose to forgive you because I love you. Why can’t you do the same for me?

// this is a custom piece request from someone. I hope I did justice to her story and feelings. Thank you so much for sharing and entrusting me your story. 

// if you would like a custom piece for yourself or for your loved ones, just message me on any of my social media accounts or email me @ cynthiatin.go@gmail.com for details. 

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365, Prose, Writings

I miss you

Maybe the saddest lines can’t really be written, and the saddest thoughts can’t really be uttered. And maybe, I miss you, is the closest thing we could have.

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365, Poetry, Writings

Sing me a song

Sing me a lullaby,
Of words too deep all I could do is feel,
Sing me songs from the ancient moon,
Of how it loves the sea and its tides,
And all the creatures underneath it.
Sing me the songs of the wolves,
Of their whisperings and howlings,
Of their pain and anguish,
And of how they love the moon so much,
All they could do is yearn,
And hate its moonlight glow.
Or better yet,
Sing me the songs of the winds,
Whispering beyond what you can hear,
And how they carry each wishes, unheard prayers, and unsung love notes,
To the hearts of the right ones
When the time is right.

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

Be still my treacherous heart

You asked me one time what do I need. And I almost said it to you right there and then. That what I need most is the power not to break, the power not to break under pressure, under love, under your heated gaze. The power not to break whenever you walk away from me, or whenever you’re near me, or whenever you hurt me with your words and with your stupid actions and inactions. The power to walk away from you and never look back. The power to never fall in your arms again every time you came back.

The power to still this treasonous, treacherous heart of mine.

To say I don’t love you anymore and mean it this time.

//excerpts from a book i’ll never write #30

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365, Prose, Writings

On Dreams and Happiness

I find myself lost in between juggling my life, my dreams, and my happiness. And I don’t know what to do. Is this all there is? The things I do that makes me happy are not exactly the things that this world would applaud for, and the things I do to make my life seems worth it are not exactly the the things that makes me happy. And my dreams, I think I have it all wrong. And I think, is this my dream before? Why do I feel stuck now, and why does doing this dream does not make me happy anymore. Is this all there is to it?  At what point can I throw the white towels away and say I quit? At what point can I let go? At what point is it enough to let go? Should I even let go when I haven’t even begun? Is that even called letting go when my heart isn’t even into it anymore?

At what point can I stop chasing my dreams and not regret it one day?

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

Dear 2017 me

Dear 2017 me,

You are still a blank slate, a collection of days not yet trodden, so let’s make it right this time. Learn to cherish each moments. Take time to breathe and look at the things around you. Appreciate. Appreciate. Appreciate. Be grateful. You are more now than you are 5 or 10 years ago. Heck, you are more than now than I am. So please please, don’t hurry in life. Keep your footsteps steady, you may find one day that you seem to be moving slowly, and that’s okay, as long as you keep moving forward. You may stumble and fall along the way, and that’s alright too, I have so much bruises and scars already on my knees and heart, and every time I still try to get back up again. Sometimes I had stayed too long on the ground, and I want to tell you that it’s alright too. Take your time this coming year please. Appreciate life. No rushing forward. Forward is forward. One step is still a step as long as you keep your eyes on your goal. Create goals. Choose happiness. Make happiness one of your goals. And I know you still have that inner compass in you, that inner knowing that makes you know which path to take. Listen to it. Always. It never fails.

And when things get hard and to much to bear, always look and ask the help from Above. Hell, seek Him even on the greatest moments of your life, or even on the most mundane periods of your life. Seek Him at all time. If there’s anything I have learned this year and that I will want you to remember, it is that we have a good good Father in Him. Remember where your help comes from. Pray. Whether you’re happy or not, because He always listens, every time.

And please, please know that I am here for you, your past selves, all of us, an accumulation and amalgam of years and experiences, a collection of moments and little joys and sadness, we’re here and we’re still here, making up who you are today, and who you will be this 2017.

And above all, be brave. I know you can do this. I believe in you.

Wishing you the best in life and love and everything else that your heart desires,
2016 me

P.S. Keep your brains and heart connected at the same time. All the time. It’s hard, I know. But those two work wonders together, and not apart.

P.S.2. And really, I think 2015 and 2013 us had messed up more grand time! 😉

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365, Poetry, Writings

I’m sorry

I’m sorry for every person I’ve ignored,
For every person I’ve hurt,
For every person I’ve caused pain,
They say, hurt people, hurt people
Maybe that’s the reason why,
I’ve hurt every people that gets too close to me,
And maybe that’s also why,
Of all the ones that I’ve hurt,
It’s been really me who I am most sorry for.

For I’ve hurt myself more than you’ll ever know.

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365, Prose, Writings

Blank Space

Most people don’t know the struggles of not having anything to write when you need to write. You stare into the space, you lie down in your bed, then you stare blankly at your ceiling, maybe holding a notebook in one hand, and holding a pen on the other hand. But no thoughts are coming. Usually, this feels so peaceful, having no thoughts whatsoever. Finding your mind so blissfully at peace and quiet and clear. But then you have to write and your mind is still clear, and seems on indefinite leave. What then do you do? Do you dare to disturb this peace just to write? Or do you give up writing? When this happens to me, I still write. I write whatever comes to my mind. I let the ideas and words skip my peaceful mind and let it straightly flow down to my lips as I mouth each word, and down to my arms and fingertips as I type each letters and punctuation. Or I write about not being able to write, just like what I’m doing now. But don’t stop.

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365, Prose, Writings

Be brave

I remember the first time I saw an angel. It was night, and I was wishing on a falling star. Those were the times that my heart still beat the rhythm of myths and dragons, of fairies and fairytales, and of angels and fallen stars. My heart was still so young and naïve then that I would believe I could fly and grow wings out of my back if someone would tell me I could do so.

He kissed my tears away while my eyes were closed and as I wished upon a falling star.

“Be brave,” he whispered. His lips grazed lightly on my forehead, and I heard the first stirrings of my innocent heart.

I caught a glimpse of him before he completely vanished into the thin air.

He has beautiful auburn hair.

Coal black wings.

– – –

//old post again. Though I rewrite and correct most grammar errors I made in the past. 😁😅 Originally entitled, “Auburn hair.”

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365, Poetry, Writings

Drifting into space

It feels a lot like drifting into space,
Without gravity to hold me into place,
As the world continue to spin and live
While here I am,
Struggling to orbit
Fucking lost on my own axis.

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365, Prose, Writings

Note to self

Let your mind and heart rest for a while. You will catch up, the world will not stop spinning for you, but you will catch up. Take a rest.

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