I fought for someone who would not fight for me.
If you think about it, everyone of us will die. Rich, poor, young, old, whatever you have achieved or whoever you are, all of us have the same destination. Dust to earth. So why then do we keep on burdening ourselves, killing ourselves with anxiety, filling our days and nights with incessant thoughts of what to do, or what to accomplish, or if we have enough, or how to have more than enough, when all of it, all of it, regardless of our achievements, popularity, fame, and money, stand nothing in the face of death?
Why then can’t we just live simply and happy and contented, and be kind to everyone and anyone we meet?
Why then do we need to prove to ourselves that we can do this and that, have this and that, be this and that, when even a second from now is not really ours?
Why then do we wait forever before we say I love you to the person we love, and why don’t we spend time with the people who really matters to us when all we really have is this life and this lifetime to expend?
If you think about it, everyone of us will die.
Why then do we let ourselves suffer so much?
It is the feeling of tiredness that creeps on you even if you haven’t done anything all day long. It is the crying spells that overtakes you when you are finally left all alone after a long day of pretending to be okay. It is the waking up every 2AM with your thoughts all jumbled up and morose. It is the desire to sleep all the time, to stubbornly stay on bed, and be continually lost in dreams that never makes sense. It is wanting to be somewhere that isn’t really here on the here and now. It is the staring contest at the ceiling, when you finally found a temporary peace in finding no thoughts, no chaos, no feelings, just a deep hollowed numbness at the center of your being.
We, always, always, always have a choice. No matter how much other people or circumstances try to convince you otherwise, do not for a single second believe that you don’t have one.
In reality, I have to remind myself of this truth everyday. That I have a choice. That right at this moment, I am choosing this. And at any moment, I can unchoose this too.
And you can unchoose this too.
Only you know
the depth of my soul
the beat of my heart
the sigh on my lips
the heat of my fevers
the cold of my chills
the roundness of my bones
the edges in my curves
Only you know
the taste of my tears
the sting of my words
the hatred in myself
the grief in my smiles
the swings of my moods
the darkness of my secrets
the pureness of my reasons
Only you know
of me, apart from the One above
for only you I have trusted my thoughts
with the sound of my voice
before I sleep
And now that your feeling is waning
and mine will soon follow
let me just say,
I love you
for the very first and last time.