I want to lose everything. I want to lose everyone. I want to lose myself. I want to lose everything I know about me and the world, so I could start all over again.
Sometimes all you have to do is to decide, then stick to that decision no matter what. Don’t ask why, don’t look back, don’t dissect what should be, or what can be, or why you shouldn’t. Just decide. Then live it, breathe it, die with it.
// Wrote this a long long time ago. Funny how until now, I still wasn’t able to stick with the reason for this post. 😔😩
If you think about it, everyone of us will die. Rich, poor, young, old, whatever you have achieved or whoever you are, all of us have the same destination. Dust to earth. So why then do we keep on burdening ourselves, killing ourselves with anxiety, filling our days and nights with incessant thoughts of what to do, or what to accomplish, or if we have enough, or how to have more than enough, when all of it, all of it, regardless of our achievements, popularity, fame, and money, stand nothing in the face of death?
Why then can’t we just live simply and happy and contented, and be kind to everyone and anyone we meet?
Why then do we need to prove to ourselves that we can do this and that, have this and that, be this and that, when even a second from now is not really ours?
Why then do we wait forever before we say I love you to the person we love, and why don’t we spend time with the people who really matters to us when all we really have is this life and this lifetime to expend?
If you think about it, everyone of us will die.
Why then do we let ourselves suffer so much?
I guess my only self consolation for not being able to write is, I’m actually happy. It’s easy to bleed words when you are sad, but when you’re happy, it’s kind of hard to stop and pick up a pen and write things down, because you’re busy living life, being happy, being grateful. And it’s kind of a really really good feeling, and I guess happiness is a lot more difficult to capture in paper. I don’t even have words to express it.
[congrats to me! i’m signing off for awhile]
Wouldn’t it be nice if there’s at least one person who can read your mind or hear your thoughts? I hope there is, at least for me. So that whatever happens to me, someone would know. And I wouldn’t be lost in this oceans of people, even for that one person’s mind.
//something I’d thought about years ago.
I scream to the walls that binds me up,
I claw at its surface until my fingernails snap,
I cover it with blood, my only lifeline,
Then I realize it is me who’s been keeping it up.
So I dig below until I get out,
Out of the walls that keep me out,
Of peoples lives and peoples buzz,
And I see the sunlight for the first time.
I breathe the air that suffocates me before,
It didn’t change apart from how I view things now,
The air that used to kill me, now brings me life,
I’m glad I tear the walls down.
//an old post of mine 😊
We are the girls who kiss wolves, who train foxes hoping we could tame their hearts, hoping we could train them not to leave us, we are the girls who kiss imperfections that cannot be salvage, hoping that our goodness is enough to shed light to darkest and dirtiest part of a human soul. We are the girls who played with fire, burn our tongues and lungs, hoping that the smoke of our ashes will serve as a sign that even when you turn into dust and ash, your cries and pleas will still rise up to the heavens, a ghost of a smoke rising above the forest, guiding the lost souls in the right direction. We are the girls who sing with the wind and dance to a rhythm no one else could hear, who let dangers swirl on our palm, seep on our veins, and swim on our bloodstreams.
We are the girls who wouldn’t kiss frogs hoping they would turn into a prince, because we are the girls who make changes to this upside down world.