Browse Tag by feelings
365, Hushed Series (custom pieces), Prose, Writings

Why?

Do you remember our first day together, our first touch, the first time you told me you love me, the first time you held my face in your hands and kiss me? Or how about that day you decided “I would like her to be with me for the rest of my life. I think she’s the one,” or that fateful day when you ask for my hand? Do you still remember any of it? Because I do. I still do. And those memories burned longer and brighter on my heart, those memories are engraved on me, memories that I know you also have. So why did you do this to me? Why did you cheat on me and leave me after all the moments we’ve shared? Why?

I thought this kind of problems only happen in movies, or in novels I read. It’s not supposed to happen in my life. I mean it’s you after all. The half of my life, the one I trusted the most, the one I loved the most. But it did happen. The first time I caught you cheating, I forgave you. It hurts so much, but I still keep on forgiving you. My trust with you are irreparably broken, and could you blame me? But I still choose to forgive you. I choose to forgive you because I love you. Why can’t you do the same for me?

// this is a custom piece request from someone. I hope I did justice to her story and feelings. Thank you so much for sharing and entrusting me your story. 

// if you would like a custom piece for yourself or for your loved ones, just message me on any of my social media accounts or email me @ cynthiatin.go@gmail.com for details. 

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365, Prose, Writings

Untitled

Do you know that feeling where you just wanted to say “I don’t know what to do” over and over again? Because you literally don’t have an idea what to do anymore and you feel like you’re trapped in this black black void of mess you can’t seem to get out of no matter how fast you tried to run?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. And you know what, if you’re ever feeling this, you’re not alone. I’m so deep and stuck in this moment too. I don’t know what to do.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #23

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365, Prose, Writings

Hush

Can I fall asleep with your lips touching mine and your limbs wrap up around me? I promise you to volunteer my own heart to shush your fears, and when you want to stop breathing, I will share you my breathe, the space I occupy, my soul, and even a part of my eternity, just to make you mine, just to make you feel loved.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #21

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Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

A Heart Full

I carry within me a heart full
of stories and magic and new beginnings,
a heart full of hope and trust
and of love that never knows how to fade nor end.

So when you’ve grown weary and tired
of this world’s never ending charades
when putting on your daily mask
became too much to bear,

Remember me
For I shall carry yours within mine
and I’ll lend you mine
when yours start to fail.

 

Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

Dreams and Coffee Talks

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about my dreams. I would tell you how I used to dream of being in a circus surrounded by lively music and people wearing colorful dresses and tunics, people that work together and bonded as family. I would tell you I dreamed of being a trapeze artist, always up high in the air, flying from loops to loops, light as air, and feet never touching the ground. I would tell you that I love heights. I love the feeling of falling and the feeling of excitement and hope it gives me, the hope that maybe when I jump, this time I would fly.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that maybe I have a gypsy soul in me, the kind that can read palms and sees the future, the kind that is affected by the moon’s waxing and waning, the kind that would kiss a stranger because she has already met him in one of her dreams.

If we were having coffee, I would also tell you that I grew up shy, that I have soft bones, loose joints, and weak heart, and I am affected by loud noises and music. I would also tell you that my dreams are mostly nightmares, that my moods are worsts than the moon, and that I have seen him in my dreams, but when I met him, he’s already kissing someone else.

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Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

Sun-kissed

Today, I will convert his winter smile to summer laughter
I will transform his cold translucent skin to a warm glowing ember
I will turn his blue frozen lips to a bloodied hungry mess.
We will bathe and swim and he will smell like the ocean’s mist
and his skin will taste like sea salt and sunshine
His grey eyes will reflect the clear blue sky
And for a moment he will thought that his eyes were blue too.
The ocean will whisper to him the secrets of the universe
And I will look in his eyes, hoping he hears and understands.
We will lay in the sand with my head in his chest, as I listen..

Today, I will give a life to his non beating heart.

 


My entry for this week’s #FWF Free Write Friday: Quote Prompt.

Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

To forgetting and remembering

I could almost hear again the snow falling, landing softly on the cold concrete floor of that unknown alley. He was walking away from me, and I couldn’t help but to just stare at him, at his broad shoulders, and his slow walking gait as if something was paining him. I could almost hear him sigh every now and then.

He was walking away, and I had a vague feeling that he’s walking away from me.

I wished, even until now, that he would stop and turn so I could see his face. But he didn’t. He wouldn’t. He walked on and on, as I stared on and on until his figure vanished and melted and blurred with the vast whiteness under the night sky.

That’s my mind’s first memory and probably my heart’s last.

– – –

#FWF Free Write Friday: Time and Place Scenario entry.

Poetry, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

Casualties

rain-gif

I.
It was raining hard when you left me
the ship we’re on was about to sink
and all the gang was there.
You held her hand,
As I held mine.

II.
It was raining hard when she left me
the ship we’re on was about to sink
and all the gang was there.
I wished it was her hand,
I was holding.

III.
It was raining hard when he left me
the ship we’re on was about to sink
and all the gang was there.
I was holding his hand,
But she was holding his heart.

– –
My entry for #FWF Free Write Friday: Image Prompt

Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

Descent

I think I am descending again,
on a train of thought
I assumed I’m over with
long ago when I learnt how to smile
and believed the Sun
when it’s behind those clouds.

But here I am again,
counting every pearls
and trickles of blood
mesmerize at the brightness of its promise
yet destroying me all at once
and all over again.

I am descending again
and this is my fiction, a truth in a lie
a hope in wickedness
and soon
everything will be swirling and spinning
and I’ll be one with vertigo.

Who will catch me by then
when I fall?
When I fall, if i fall,
I hope the ground
will be as soft as a burlap
woven in silk and honey threads.

tumblr_mbs4sbbGEG1r148sro1_500

– – –

Here’s my take for #FWF Free Write Friday: Word Bank using the following words: train – burlap – fiction – pearls – vertigo.

Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

On broken shards

He walks on eggshells
whenever she’s around
While she,
has been walking on broken shards
and glasses of an unknown future
all her life
cutting deeply
to the soles of her feet
leaving fresh blood footprints
wherever she goes.

Trust me, he says.
She looks at the caked of dried blood on her feet.

“Why should I when you have only threaded on eggshells?”

– – –

Here’s my entry for #FWF Free Write Friday: Trust. I admit trust is a difficult topic for me and I had real difficulty in coming up with something for this prompt. 🙂

Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

Blackness within blackness

She feels so lost. So empty, like a blank black canvass in a dark tunnel without end light, a black gaping hole in an eternal doom pit. Everything inside her is so dark. She couldn’t even see the end. Is there even an end? Or is where she’s standing an end already?

She is trying. She’s trying with all her might to find the edges of this darkness. As if this darkness is a page where she could just flip it over and be done with it.  Yet it doesn’t seem like that. Her hands are stretched in her front, ready for anything she could grab on—a support, a wall, just anything. A stumbling block is even better than this encompassing nothingness.

Yet there is nothing.

Her fingertips are numb with the coldness around her. Her mind is surprisingly blank.  And there is that haunting silence. Not even a white noise. And she is craving for noises, noises that would penetrate this blackness, noises that would aim at her heart, vibrate in her bones, and pierce her soul.

Yet there is nothing.

Just blackness.

She couldn’t feel herself anymore.

Her breathing is slowly fading.

She is slowly fading.

Sinking into darkness.

And before everything turns to nothing, she utters something beneath her breath. Words that are instantly lost in the darkness, lost before it could even reach anyone, or anything.

Then there is nothing.

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

Reality

I realize that I just built you up
inside my mind, the way others
had built me inside theirs.

Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

Whispers

You entered my life
and I couldn’t help
but question God,
Why?

You’re slowly, gradually, fading in my life
and I still couldn’t help
but ask again God,
Why?

Why should I even have to see you?
Meet you?
Feel you?
Fall for you?

What’s the purpose of this?
I still haven’t found the answer.

God has been quite silent all this time,
watching, observing,
maybe shaking His head from time to time
in all my unwise decisions,
but nevertheless mum all this time.

And I wonder if I would ever know
or this would be one of those
those things that get in the back burner of my mind
as years go by
and memories fade
and as realities turn into dreams
as vague as whispers wistfully carried by the wind
and petals being silently plucked out,
“Do you love me, or do you love me not?”

blowing-dandelion-flower-girl-grass-Favim.com-126881

– – –
Inspired by Inspiration Monday prompt: Meet Your Destiny

 

Poetry, Writing Entries, Writings

The Night

I used to fear the night
when your unwanted presence
would kiss me goodnight
and I would squirm and blush
’til I fall asleep in your arms

Now, I still fear the night
when your welcomed presence
I would wait,
and wait ’til dusk to dawn
but you never came up

– – –

Here’s my take for #FWF Do you fear the night?

 

Poetry, Quotes, Random Thoughts, Writings

I don’t love you

I trust you
More powerful and potent than love,
And all the I love you’s
in the world combined.