365, Prose, Writings

Learnings

Whenever I do things, I always want to do my best, and not just do my best, but to be the best. I’m ambitous, sometimes a little bit egocentric and narcissistic. I remember my kindergarten teacher describing me to my mom as the girl who always wanted to be the best, to be the first in everything, the one who dreams of being known and famous, that little terrible girl who has ambitions flowing through her veins. As I grew up, I learned that the world is hard, difficult, and not everything comes in a wave of a hand. That most of the times, you really have to work and fight for the things that you want, and sometimes, even if you did your best, your best would still not be enough. But the most important thing that I realized is that being famous or being known by everyone does not equate success. Those are just numbers. A sea of people I wouldn’t know firsthand even if it happens. I realized that I only wanted to be famous in the hearts of the people I love, to be known by the inspiration I give to their dreams, and to the strangers I unknowingly help along the way, and to be at least be a temporary relief in any way to the people who have aching pain in their souls.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #28

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

The things we are afraid to lose

If it’s true that we photograph the things that we are afraid to lose, then it’s saddening to think that maybe this generation, the so-called selfie generation, aren’t really just a bunch of narcissitic fools and attention seeking people, but rather a bunch of individuals afraid to lose themselves. Isn’t it disheartening? That in this age of technology and fast communication gateways, there are more and more individuals that capture their own photos to preserve and have memories of who they are.

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

Dear 2017 me

Dear 2017 me,

You are still a blank slate, a collection of days not yet trodden, so let’s make it right this time. Learn to cherish each moments. Take time to breathe and look at the things around you. Appreciate. Appreciate. Appreciate. Be grateful. You are more now than you are 5 or 10 years ago. Heck, you are more than now than I am. So please please, don’t hurry in life. Keep your footsteps steady, you may find one day that you seem to be moving slowly, and that’s okay, as long as you keep moving forward. You may stumble and fall along the way, and that’s alright too, I have so much bruises and scars already on my knees and heart, and every time I still try to get back up again. Sometimes I had stayed too long on the ground, and I want to tell you that it’s alright too. Take your time this coming year please. Appreciate life. No rushing forward. Forward is forward. One step is still a step as long as you keep your eyes on your goal. Create goals. Choose happiness. Make happiness one of your goals. And I know you still have that inner compass in you, that inner knowing that makes you know which path to take. Listen to it. Always. It never fails.

And when things get hard and to much to bear, always look and ask the help from Above. Hell, seek Him even on the greatest moments of your life, or even on the most mundane periods of your life. Seek Him at all time. If there’s anything I have learned this year and that I will want you to remember, it is that we have a good good Father in Him. Remember where your help comes from. Pray. Whether you’re happy or not, because He always listens, every time.

And please, please know that I am here for you, your past selves, all of us, an accumulation and amalgam of years and experiences, a collection of moments and little joys and sadness, we’re here and we’re still here, making up who you are today, and who you will be this 2017.

And above all, be brave. I know you can do this. I believe in you.

Wishing you the best in life and love and everything else that your heart desires,
2016 me

P.S. Keep your brains and heart connected at the same time. All the time. It’s hard, I know. But those two work wonders together, and not apart.

P.S.2. And really, I think 2015 and 2013 us had messed up more grand time! 😉

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365, Prose, Writings

Friends with benefits

“Why are you settling with him? He isn’t good for you. He’s just using you.”

I sighed. “Who says I’m settling? It isn’t because I’m still seeing him means I’m settling. You think I’m the one in love in this situation? You think that just because a girl is hooking up with a guy means she’s settling? Can it be the other way around? I definitely don’t want to hear any wedding bells with him, if that’s what you mean. He’s not the type. So relax. Stop your stigma. I’m just having my cake, and eating it too.”

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #27

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365, Prose, Writings

Sleeping beauty

She is the kind of beauty that gently falls on your lips like snowflakes softly falling to the ground, silent, subtle, fragile to touch, but beautiful nonetheless. She is made of winter, thunderstorms, and scars, yet she possesses the gentlest touch for the broken souls. When you meet her, you probably won’t notice her right away, for hers is the beauty that whispers ever so subtly to your soul, capturing your heart and soul first before entrancing your eyes.

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365, Poetry, Writings

Running away

I need to get away
before you see all that I am
and all that I’ve been through

I bet it just a matter of time
before you realize
what a mess I put myself through

And I never wanted the time to come
when I will see disappointment and disgust
reflected in your eyes

So let me run away for good now
before I get too deep
and trust you too real

And allow me to be
the one who walks away
because I won’t ever manage if it’s you.

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//an old old piece of mine. 😊 Merry Christmas! And Happy Holidays! 😘

365, Poetry, Writings

He loves me only in his sleep

There is a boy who loves me only in his sleep,
He kills me every dawn, and revives me every twilight with a kiss,
He is both my tormentor and my savior,
A precious dream out of the ashes of my nightmares.

He loves me only in his sleep,
On those brief moments when the night touches the sky,
While I’ve been loving him every single minute of the day.

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Random Thoughts

I’ll be back

My mind is in some sort of vacation, and I just couldn’t squeeze out any words. I think I’d lost 3 days from my 365 writing from this last two weeks, plus today, which makes it 4 days of skipping / cheating from my writing commitment. I’m sorry (more to myself than to my readers). I’ll be back, I just lost my muse, again. And I just can’t use sadness as an alternative muse forever. Sadness is a tricky writing companion, it can take over any writer’s life if not used carefully. So I’d rather used it sparingly and lose my words than lose my life and my happiness.

Anyway, my last post is my 101th piece for my 365. 😔 Huhuhu, I don’t think I could complete it with all the missing days. 😭 Plus the quality of my writings are diminishing (my personal opinion). So I may or may not break my 365 writing commitment, though I’m leaning more to breaking it. Creation takes life. And writing  is creating. So sometimes it feels like I’m losing a little bit of myself in every pieces that I write. Maybe that’s the reason why the best creators I know of, whether in writing or music or painting, are always sad. Anyways, i’ll be back. Hopefully with more happy words than sad ones. 😊 And maybe, not everyday. 😊 Good night!

365, Poetry, Writings

Don’t let her be one of the passersby

Be her forever,
In a world full of temporary encounters
and broken promises.

Be her now,
In a world that romanticizes next life
and alternate universe.

And in a world that glorifies
missed connections,
and ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be,’
Be the one
To take the chance
To leap to the unknown
To take her hand, and hold her tight,
Before you lose her forever,
In a sea of people,
That just passes by in your life,
unknowned, unnamed, and never to be seen again.

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365, Prose, Writings

Bitter Truths

Why should I think of you when you never think of me? Why should I care about what you feel when you never care about what I feel? Why should I build my future around you when you never build yours around me? Really, why should I stay with you when you never ask me to, when you never give me a reason to?

Darling, it isn’t about the things you do that drives me away from you, it’s about the things you didn’t do.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #26

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365, Poetry, Writings

I’m sorry

I’m sorry for every person I’ve ignored,
For every person I’ve hurt,
For every person I’ve caused pain,
They say, hurt people, hurt people
Maybe that’s the reason why,
I’ve hurt every people that gets too close to me,
And maybe that’s also why,
Of all the ones that I’ve hurt,
It’s been really me who I am most sorry for.

For I’ve hurt myself more than you’ll ever know.

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365, Poetry, Writings

Teardrops

I wish one day
I’ll be able to sleep at night
without my pillows
getting drench with tears.

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365, Prose, Writings

Sad stories

I swear she tried, she tried to dry her tears, she tried to stop it from flowing to her cheeks, she tried to stop her tears from wetting the pages she writes on, she tried to write happy stories and to think happy thoughts and to anticipate a happy future that may or may not await her. Yet she still couldn’t help but cry each night. Can you hear her sobbing at night when the world is asleep and at peace? She writes the saddest stories, but even the saddest of the saddest stories she had written couldn’t compare to how her heart is breaking right now, in real life.

And I swear she tried her best to rewrite this story, her story, but her tears had already smudged her words, clouded her vision, ruined her hope.

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