I want to lose everything. I want to lose everyone. I want to lose myself. I want to lose everything I know about me and the world, so I could start all over again.
How many prayers and dreams have I let go just when I about to reach it? How many nights of praying have I wasted, pleading the heavens just for me to have you? And just when my prayers are about to get answered, why did my heart suddenly stop loving you?
Sometimes all you have to do is to decide, then stick to that decision no matter what. Don’t ask why, don’t look back, don’t dissect what should be, or what can be, or why you shouldn’t. Just decide. Then live it, breathe it, die with it.
// Wrote this a long long time ago. Funny how until now, I still wasn’t able to stick with the reason for this post. 😔😩
They say that the person you like or love would make you want to become a better person, that they would inspire you to become the best version of yourself. So why then whenever I think of you I love myself a little less and hate myself a little bit more, until all I have is hatred for myself? Why then whenever I think of you all I want to do is to self-destruct? Why then with you, I’ve become the worst possible version of myself?
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #34
I’ve written this a long long time ago, like years ago, and I’ve just seen this again on my FB memories. I’m not even so sure if this is really from me. 😅 But I know it is. I even googled this if it’s from someone I just quoted out to be sure, but nothing came out. 😄
There’s this part of me that sometimes hopes and thinks, “What if he loves me? What if he really cares for me? What if he’s different?” And I think everyone of us who at some point in our life had been at the giving end of unrequited love had perhaps thought of those things.
Today, it’s as if all those what if questions were finally answered for me. And all I could ever think of was “He didn’t love me. He didn’t love me. He never did. It was all just me.”