When I see you in every lines I read
Now, I know I’m in deep.
When emotions started to feel
like poison surging through your veins
sneaking a way through your heart
and the maker didn’t design you to feel
but you feel anyway
Funny how comfort zone can be numbness.
It’s the difference between a smile and a laughter
between humming and singing
between a whisper and silence
between sleeping and dying
Between today and tomorrow.
(Written on 03/23/2013)
This one is another dream
A dream much older than the golden tree
In this, i dreamt of myself standing outside
looking at a two bright stars
with one star much brighter than the second
and the second star hovering just a little behind the first
Then below the stars, I noticed the clouds
moving faster than what I thought it should
then I felt myself being lifted up
and that’s all because of looking at the clouds
So i looked up at the clouds some more
hoping to be an inch closer to the stars.
And oh, everything must have turned upside down
for i find myself above, and on my knees
on a white old building, that look as old as life
and as high as heavens could be
Still on my knees and hands, i peered below
and saw the clouds and nothing much else.
That’s when the ground shook, and for a moment i feared
that this structure so ancient would crumble
and all untold histories would go to waste,
yet it wasn’t the case, for it was a tug of gravity that caused it,
an absolute pulling I felt at the core of my being
so immense I held myself to the ground.
Just then i noticed, beside me on the edge stood
a tall wiry being, a being I don’t recognized
but seem to know at the time
was about to deliver a judgement on me
with not much of an emotion on its face
but hardness, and coldness, and soullessness.
And then I fall, and the last face I saw
was that of the tall wiry being,
and I called his name for help
a human name of my present
but all I see was an emotionless face as hard as stone.
I never landed.
(Written on 03/24/2013)
I dreamt of a gold tree
so high it reaches the heavens,
though by then, i said it reaches the sun
for the tree is so gold above
that it seems to be burning
bright by the kiss of the sun.
Everyone must seem to travel that tree
climbing it till the top is reach
but that i realized is a dangerous pursuit
so i asked my comrades
if that is how it really should be
and to my dismay they all agree.
So when no one’s looking
I blessed the tree by the name of all names
since the tree though beautiful with its goldness
does not possess even a single leaf on its branch
So I prayed, and I prayed really hard
that whoever travels by that tree, will not met even a single scratch.
The prayer must have worked
because in a short while they all returned
all people i have met in my whole life
converged together with sunbeams on their faces
and not, may i say,
possesses a single scratch.
With great relief, i uttered a silent praise
and thanks to the name i whispered to the tree
only then i realized that I alone haven’t climb the tree
for I cannot, and must never, climb that tree,
and on my right hand I saw the scratches I bore,
with blood, that would never heal.
(Written on 03/24/2013)
At first you see the signs
The coldness of the wind
The darkening of the sky above you
The tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach
Like something is about to happen
But no matter what you think
You couldn’t put a finger on it.
Then suddenly, you will hear something,
A distant rumble, like a murmur,
And you will try to brush it off
Until it gets louder and louder
And there’s no mistaking it,
You’re hearing the Thunder.
You block your ears,
But it’s too late.
The Thunder had already pierced your being.
After the shock,
You go back to whatever you’re doing,
And you realize it is your fault.
You definitely must have seen the Lightning
Even before the Thunder right?
But then you choose to ignore that brief moment
That moment when out of the corner of your eyes
The pink-white lightning strikes the sky
After all, how can your favourite color be something bad?
When you realize what is happening
Or what is about to happen
You tried to rush
You tried to pray
For the rain to not carry on
But right after you stop praying,
Like pebbles being poured to a bottle
You hear the first drops of the rain.
And you sigh.
Then, you hear a voice in your head that says,
“You could stop this rain, any rain, even a storm.”
And you answer, “Yes, I know that.”
But even so,
Even if I could make the rain stop
Even if I wish to make the rain stop
I won’t make the rain stop now.
(Written on 07/22/2011)
I wish I didn’t cry
For my tears are cursed
And whoever is the cause
Is doubly cursed.
He believed in me
When I did not believe in myself
He saw something in me
That I myself did not see
He said “I know you can be this and that…,”
While I contented myself on being second place.
I wish you were here
But you were with me yesterday
When I said I couldn’t
When I said I don’t know how
When I locked myself at the cubicle
You were there, your memories
I never thought those memories
Would be something someday
You know how I despised those memories.
I thought you were just seeing the surface.
But I was mistaken.
You saw something far greater than what I saw.
You have said the right words
At a much advanced time.
I will never forget you, please know that,
Even if someone else is making me smile.
Even if I am thinking of someone else before I sleep,
You know that when I woke up,
It is you that I vainly try to search for my dreams.
People always asked,
“Can you love two people at the same time?”
And I always said no,
You will love the other,
The other you will lust.
Be assured then, that
It is you that I love.