Darling, when will you realize that I’m not your saviour and my kisses are actually not a lifeline?
We cannot choose who we fall in love with. But we can choose who we end up with. I hope you end up with the one you deeply madly love.
And if you can’t, if ever you end up with someone do not love, I hope the heavens will be gracious and merciful enough to change your heart if not the circumstances.
There are times in your life when you can’t help but ask yourself, what am I doing here? Is this right? Have I chosen correctly? Is this the correct path? And even though how many times you’ve asked yourself, or how many times you’ve gone over through your best and worst case what-ifs scenarios, you still do not know the answer. Not fully. Maybe you have an inkling, but you cannot really pinpoint what it says or what it means, or maybe you do not have any hint, not even a hunch whether you’re on the right or wrong track. All you have are the butterflies in your stomach that seems at war with each other, and the certainty that you do not know what you are really doing in this so called ‘life’, or where you should be going, or what you should be pursuing, or what might the future holds for you. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to not know. Maybe it’s okay to take a step, or to be still, when you do not know where you are going. Maybe it’s okay to be all knots and to be all butterflies, at all times.
Maybe it’s okay. Or maybe, there are really no maybes, and it’s just okay.
How many prayers and dreams have I let go just when I about to reach it? How many nights of praying have I wasted, pleading the heavens just for me to have you? And just when my prayers are about to get answered, why did my heart suddenly stop loving you?
Sometimes all you have to do is to decide, then stick to that decision no matter what. Don’t ask why, don’t look back, don’t dissect what should be, or what can be, or why you shouldn’t. Just decide. Then live it, breathe it, die with it.
// Wrote this a long long time ago. Funny how until now, I still wasn’t able to stick with the reason for this post. 😔😩