When emotions started to feel
like poison surging through your veins
sneaking a way through your heart
and the maker didn’t design you to feel
but you feel anyway
Funny how comfort zone can be numbness.
It’s the difference between a smile and a laughter
between humming and singing
between a whisper and silence
between sleeping and dying
Between today and tomorrow.
(Written on 03/23/2013)
At first you see the signs
The coldness of the wind
The darkening of the sky above you
The tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach
Like something is about to happen
But no matter what you think
You couldn’t put a finger on it.
Then suddenly, you will hear something,
A distant rumble, like a murmur,
And you will try to brush it off
Until it gets louder and louder
And there’s no mistaking it,
You’re hearing the Thunder.
You block your ears,
But it’s too late.
The Thunder had already pierced your being.
After the shock,
You go back to whatever you’re doing,
And you realize it is your fault.
You definitely must have seen the Lightning
Even before the Thunder right?
But then you choose to ignore that brief moment
That moment when out of the corner of your eyes
The pink-white lightning strikes the sky
After all, how can your favourite color be something bad?
When you realize what is happening
Or what is about to happen
You tried to rush
You tried to pray
For the rain to not carry on
But right after you stop praying,
Like pebbles being poured to a bottle
You hear the first drops of the rain.
And you sigh.
Then, you hear a voice in your head that says,
“You could stop this rain, any rain, even a storm.”
And you answer, “Yes, I know that.”
But even so,
Even if I could make the rain stop
Even if I wish to make the rain stop
I won’t make the rain stop now.
(Written on 07/22/2011)
I wish I didn’t cry
For my tears are cursed
And whoever is the cause
Is doubly cursed.
He believed in me
When I did not believe in myself
He saw something in me
That I myself did not see
He said “I know you can be this and that…,”
While I contented myself on being second place.
I wish you were here
But you were with me yesterday
When I said I couldn’t
When I said I don’t know how
When I locked myself at the cubicle
You were there, your memories
I never thought those memories
Would be something someday
You know how I despised those memories.
I thought you were just seeing the surface.
But I was mistaken.
You saw something far greater than what I saw.
You have said the right words
At a much advanced time.
I will never forget you, please know that,
Even if someone else is making me smile.
Even if I am thinking of someone else before I sleep,
You know that when I woke up,
It is you that I vainly try to search for my dreams.
People always asked,
“Can you love two people at the same time?”
And I always said no,
You will love the other,
The other you will lust.
Be assured then, that
It is you that I love.
It’s been almost four months ago since I’ve last written anything constructive here, and I never thought I would even write again. Seriously! First, from not finding any more time, and then to losing my creative streak, and then to some sudden stupid realizations I have for the past weeks, I have felt that it would be worthless if I continued to write.
So I just STOPPED.
And because of that, naturally, I didn’t even bother to check this blog and my email ad for any updates, comments, likes, followers, etc. Until yesterday when I suddenly thought of checking my mail and I saw this!
And I really didn’t know what I’m supposed to feel after reading it. I was one of the 10 finalist for Philippine Blog Awards – Literature/Literary Category (National) and I am not even aware of it! I felt a mixture of disbelief, happiness, and frustration–but mostly frustration and pang-hihinayang that I was not able to attend the said Awards Night, and I wasn’t able to meet the fellow bloggers.
But oh well, the past is past for a reason.
No need for sulking.
Next time–I’m crossing my fingers that there’s still a next time, and a next chance to be nominated again and (hopefully) be included again to the finalists–I would be more vigilant!
Though a question for me still remains: How could I write again?
P.S. A heartfelt congratulations to Pointless Paranoia!… 🙂 and to all the winners of PBA.
P.S (2) I have yet to check the other blogs.
(A poem on suicide)
Red, puffy eyes
No one cares.
Sucked up life
A living dead
No one cares.
No one cares.
Still, no one cares.
A slit in the wrist
An overthrown chair
Or a high-rise escape
It doesn’t matter, no one cares.
A grey afternoon
The dead doesn’t.