Browse Category by Random Thoughts
Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

I want to be Dauntless

Photo courtesy of Laura Makabresku
Photo courtesy of Laura Makabresku

She stands at the edge of a worn out building
Little people and cars that seem like toys litter below.
She tried to remember the events that led her to this
Yet all she could think was how warm she felt when his arms were around her.
She takes a deep breath and the icy air fills her lungs.
She curls her freezing hands into fists to stop it from shaking.
The wind blows and urges her forward.
For a millionth time, her eyes betray her with tears that won’t stop flowing.
I can do this, she says over and over in her head.
She gazes at the sky and the chirping birds above
And wishes a silent deal to the one beyond.
One step and another
She takes the plunge into the unknown.

 

Random Thoughts, Writing Entries, Writings

Morning Pages Bared: Dig deep into my thoughts

An entry to Daily Post weekly writing challenge and a first timer on *yeah write.

Yesterday on my way home, a poem was building on my mind. A poem about you and me. But not really you, for it is more about me and how I want to feel the beauty of feeling that people always ascribe to love. I wanted to capture it in a poem, even for a fleeting moment, a poem just full of happiness and no pain. I wanted to feel the happiness, even for that poem, even by being just inside that poem. So I resolved to write it when I got home. But then I got lazy and I went to bed early instead.

There I read a book while I lay on my stomach, and then you came to me as always, and I saw your face, and I felt every bit of you as you cup my cheeks in between your hands, and kissed me lightly on the lips, as you always did now. You must love me or respect me to kiss me like that always, the way I wanted to be kissed, not the way you wanted to kiss me. You might think I might not notice, but I do. Because the first time wasn’t how I really wanted it. Just passion and lust. And I don’t want anything like that. But then I noticed as days and years pass, you changed. I mean the kisses change and how you held me every night. For the first time then, I feel love from you, and you started to be more gentle, in your kisses, in your hugs, in your touches.

I still don’t believe anything of it is true. I’m the kind of person who pretty much believes in everything, and don’t believe in anything. It’s like being on two opposite poles and I’m never on the center. Sometimes I believe on everything, and then the next time, I don’t anymore. That’s how I am like. So there were times I believed in you, moments I tried to let the idea sink into my head, down into my heart, and deep into my soul.

But there were moments, and there are pretty much many times when I tried to cast it all away. To banish you, to push you away, and to pull myself away from you. And I enjoyed those times. Yes, I enjoyed harming myself when feelings went too much because I don’t know how else to cope but to feel another pain, much more intense than the first one. And that’s how I do it. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m not. But definitely having you in my life nailed me as one.

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Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

Amidst two kisses and loves

A year ago I wrote a poem for him
A year after that, nothing change
Apart from my poem’s claim
And my feelings for you and him

Thinking of him still reassures me
Makes me feel safe, secure
Thinking of you still unnerves me
Makes me want to run, disappear

His embrace is as steady
Unfailing as a cold marble
Your embrace is as encapsulating
Comforting as a warm blanket

His kiss feels like floating
On a cloud on a first winter day
With snowflakes falling softly on the ground
And songs of angels singing fill the air.

Your kiss feels like of earth being set on fire
Where the ground shake with chaos, confusion and doubt
All the while interspersing seamlessly
With love abound

His perfectness I must have adored
For it’s your humanness I have loved
For while he is my heaven
You are my home
And while he is my dream,
You are my sleep

He is my peaceful breeze on a rainy plight
While you are my thunder on my calm night
He is my winter,
You are my fall
He is my calmness,
You are my elation.

But none of that
Seems to matter now
For both of you
Are leaving me

He is my past
You are my present
But neither of you
Seem to belong to my future.

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

bittersweet beverage

When emotions started to feel
like poison surging through your veins
sneaking a way through your heart
and the maker didn’t design you to feel
but you feel anyway
Funny how comfort zone can be numbness.

It’s the difference between a smile and a laughter
between humming and singing
between a whisper and silence
between sleeping and dying
Between today and tomorrow.

(Written on 03/23/2013)

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

At first you see the signs

At first you see the signs
The coldness of the wind
The darkening of the sky above you
The tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach
Uneasiness,
Irregular heartbeat,
Like something is about to happen
But no matter what you think
You couldn’t put a finger on it.

Then suddenly, you will hear something,
A distant rumble, like a murmur,
And you will try to brush it off
Until it gets louder and louder
And there’s no mistaking it,
You’re hearing the Thunder.
You block your ears,
But it’s too late.
The Thunder had already pierced your being.

After the shock,
You go back to whatever you’re doing,
And you realize it is your fault.
You definitely must have seen the Lightning
Even before the Thunder right?
But then you choose to ignore that brief moment
That moment when out of the corner of your eyes
The pink-white lightning strikes the sky
After all, how can your favourite color be something bad?

When you realize what is happening
Or what is about to happen
You tried to rush
You tried to pray
For the rain to not carry on
But right after you stop praying,
Like pebbles being poured to a bottle
You hear the first drops of the rain.
And you sigh.

Then, you hear a voice in your head that says,
“You could stop this rain, any rain, even a storm.”
And you answer, “Yes, I know that.”

But even so,
Even if I could make the rain stop
Even if I wish to make the rain stop
I won’t.
I won’t make the rain stop now.

(Written on 07/22/2011)

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

Undone

That day,
I wish I didn’t cry
For my tears are cursed
And whoever is the cause
Is doubly cursed.