Browse Category by Random Thoughts
Random Thoughts

On being appreciated! – Liebster and Shine On Award –

So I’ll be hitting two awards with one post! 🙂

Let me thank Ms. Lorraine Marie Reguly who nominated me last month for Shine On award, which unfortunately I didn’t have time to accept then and post it here. Then to Ms. Crissybwell who nominated me for Liebster Award. 🙂 Thank you so much to both of you. Continue Reading

On Dreams, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writing Entries, Writings

Take me to the sky

There’s something about rooftops and heights and buildings that makes me want to live, and jump, and die, and laugh, and fall in love, and cry, all at the same time.

I’m in love with heights. I love the scenic view of anything from above. No matter what it is, even if it’s just a view of garbage pile, I don’t really mind as long as I’m on up above, above the world’s care, above the people’s chatter below, above the lines of honking cars that piles up creating the typical Monday traffic.

I guess it’s the peaceful feeling that comes with it. Of being above. The kind of peace that makes all the noises and voices in my head stop. And I crave for that feeling, that feeling of stillness and of calm nothingness.

So it’s not too much to ask I guess
to be on the world’s highest building
on a windy cold midnight
and with the moon shining in the clear sky
then waking up the next day
with nothing but a vague feeling
tugging at my heart
for the rest of my life.

Maybe, I have been already in that place. That place that haunts me on my sleep when I was young, that special place that I haven’t been on yet but am familiar like the back of my hand, a place I don’t even know if it exists.

And sometimes when the vision persists you can’t help but wonder if it happened in some past lives or some dream that you can’t remember anymore.

 

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Inspired by #FWF Free Write Friday: Ponder This…

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

Soaring

I opened my eyes and the sunlight blinded me

I opened my mouth and the stars filled it

I looked at the sky and my feet floated

Up and up above, ‘til my head touches the clouds

I spread my arms wide and the seagulls flocked around me

Dancing to the rhythm of winds, I became one of them.

 

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

I like you better before

I love the way you smile
The way your face seems to light up,
Whenever I see you.
I love the way your hands
Enclosed on my wrist last night.
But I like you better before
Those unassuming angel’s eyes
And innocent smiles.
Or have you change already?
The way I must have change
In just a year without you.

You complained about her
And for a moment I feel glad,
I heard you broke up with her
But I doubt you really have the guts.

In any case,
I’m not going back there
I’m not going back with you
And spent many sleepless nights
Again thinking of you.

It isn’t about you or him
Or about her
It isn’t even about God
Or how you seem to be there
Just when everything feels right.

I’m not all right.
I’m not yet all alright.
You must have known that
Since you pretty much know everything
On when to turn up
And when to disappear.
Or is it only when
I connect to the source?

In which case,
Are you the serpent
I should avoid
Or an angel
I should hold?

By the way
Your voice has change
I do not recognize it anymore.
I like you better before
So let’s keep it that way.

 


Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

I want to be Dauntless

Photo courtesy of Laura Makabresku
Photo courtesy of Laura Makabresku

She stands at the edge of a worn out building
Little people and cars that seem like toys litter below.
She tried to remember the events that led her to this
Yet all she could think was how warm she felt when his arms were around her.
She takes a deep breath and the icy air fills her lungs.
She curls her freezing hands into fists to stop it from shaking.
The wind blows and urges her forward.
For a millionth time, her eyes betray her with tears that won’t stop flowing.
I can do this, she says over and over in her head.
She gazes at the sky and the chirping birds above
And wishes a silent deal to the one beyond.
One step and another
She takes the plunge into the unknown.

 

Random Thoughts, Writing Entries, Writings

Morning Pages Bared: Dig deep into my thoughts

An entry to Daily Post weekly writing challenge and a first timer on *yeah write.

Yesterday on my way home, a poem was building on my mind. A poem about you and me. But not really you, for it is more about me and how I want to feel the beauty of feeling that people always ascribe to love. I wanted to capture it in a poem, even for a fleeting moment, a poem just full of happiness and no pain. I wanted to feel the happiness, even for that poem, even by being just inside that poem. So I resolved to write it when I got home. But then I got lazy and I went to bed early instead.

There I read a book while I lay on my stomach, and then you came to me as always, and I saw your face, and I felt every bit of you as you cup my cheeks in between your hands, and kissed me lightly on the lips, as you always did now. You must love me or respect me to kiss me like that always, the way I wanted to be kissed, not the way you wanted to kiss me. You might think I might not notice, but I do. Because the first time wasn’t how I really wanted it. Just passion and lust. And I don’t want anything like that. But then I noticed as days and years pass, you changed. I mean the kisses change and how you held me every night. For the first time then, I feel love from you, and you started to be more gentle, in your kisses, in your hugs, in your touches.

I still don’t believe anything of it is true. I’m the kind of person who pretty much believes in everything, and don’t believe in anything. It’s like being on two opposite poles and I’m never on the center. Sometimes I believe on everything, and then the next time, I don’t anymore. That’s how I am like. So there were times I believed in you, moments I tried to let the idea sink into my head, down into my heart, and deep into my soul.

But there were moments, and there are pretty much many times when I tried to cast it all away. To banish you, to push you away, and to pull myself away from you. And I enjoyed those times. Yes, I enjoyed harming myself when feelings went too much because I don’t know how else to cope but to feel another pain, much more intense than the first one. And that’s how I do it. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m not. But definitely having you in my life nailed me as one.

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               *Continue to next page…

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Writings

Amidst two kisses and loves

A year ago I wrote a poem for him
A year after that, nothing change
Apart from my poem’s claim
And my feelings for you and him

Thinking of him still reassures me
Makes me feel safe, secure
Thinking of you still unnerves me
Makes me want to run, disappear

His embrace is as steady
Unfailing as a cold marble
Your embrace is as encapsulating
Comforting as a warm blanket

His kiss feels like floating
On a cloud on a first winter day
With snowflakes falling softly on the ground
And songs of angels singing fill the air.

Your kiss feels like of earth being set on fire
Where the ground shake with chaos, confusion and doubt
All the while interspersing seamlessly
With love abound

His perfectness I must have adored
For it’s your humanness I have loved
For while he is my heaven
You are my home
And while he is my dream,
You are my sleep

He is my peaceful breeze on a rainy plight
While you are my thunder on my calm night
He is my winter,
You are my fall
He is my calmness,
You are my elation.

But none of that
Seems to matter now
For both of you
Are leaving me

He is my past
You are my present
But neither of you
Seem to belong to my future.