I want to lose everything. I want to lose everyone. I want to lose myself. I want to lose everything I know about me and the world, so I could start all over again.
Sometimes all you have to do is to decide, then stick to that decision no matter what. Don’t ask why, don’t look back, don’t dissect what should be, or what can be, or why you shouldn’t. Just decide. Then live it, breathe it, die with it.
// Wrote this a long long time ago. Funny how until now, I still wasn’t able to stick with the reason for this post. 😔😩
If you think about it, everyone of us will die. Rich, poor, young, old, whatever you have achieved or whoever you are, all of us have the same destination. Dust to earth. So why then do we keep on burdening ourselves, killing ourselves with anxiety, filling our days and nights with incessant thoughts of what to do, or what to accomplish, or if we have enough, or how to have more than enough, when all of it, all of it, regardless of our achievements, popularity, fame, and money, stand nothing in the face of death?
Why then can’t we just live simply and happy and contented, and be kind to everyone and anyone we meet?
Why then do we need to prove to ourselves that we can do this and that, have this and that, be this and that, when even a second from now is not really ours?
Why then do we wait forever before we say I love you to the person we love, and why don’t we spend time with the people who really matters to us when all we really have is this life and this lifetime to expend?
If you think about it, everyone of us will die.
Why then do we let ourselves suffer so much?
Sometimes, things happen. Unexpected ones. And it changes your life in an instant. All your prayers, all your problems, and all the things that once bothered you before, all the things that you thought were unsolvable just dissolve and vanish away in an instant like a smoke. You can’t even pinpoint when and where it all happen, or the specific moment or event that marks the change. But for some reason, you know without a doubt that your now standing on the after of before.
It hurts, isn’t it? To receive from someone else the same love and attention you so much crave from him.
But that’s not what hurts the most.
To see him giving that same love and attention you want from him to someone else over and over again. To know that he’s fully capable to show you that love, but he just didn’t choose you, and he keep on not choosing you.
I think, that’s what hurts the most.
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #31