Sometimes, things happen. Unexpected ones. And it changes your life in an instant. All your prayers, all your problems, and all the things that once bothered you before, all the things that you thought were unsolvable just dissolve and vanish away in an instant like a smoke. You can’t even pinpoint when and where it all happen, or the specific moment or event that marks the change. But for some reason, you know without a doubt that your now standing on the after of before.
This is how I’d fallen out of love of him:
I didn’t. It just that one day I woke up, and I just.. I just didn’t feel anything for him. Not love, not like, not hate, nor anger, not even sadness or disappointment, just.. nothing. Like my heart entered a sudden oblivion, and it just forgot. It forgot to remember to care for him or to think of him, and in a blink of an eye, everything about him, every feelings I associated with him is erased, and he didn’t matter anymore. Like he never really mattered at all.
And I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s a lot like looking at a blank grey canvas, what do you suppose to feel about it? Nothing, right? Nothing and just okay.
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33
i. He keeps on giving me excuses of why we couldn’t be together, and I keep on giving excuses for his excuses, because I believe we have a connection, and ours is not like any other.
ii. I know he’s the bad boy kind of guy, and I should probably stay away from him, but I keep on forgetting it whenever we were together, whenever we would go out on a ride and sing in the car,
iii. and for a moment, his laughter would drown out all my doubts and all my worries for our future.
iv. He told me I’m not like any other, that he never felt this way for anyone else before,
v. But he also never told me that he has someone else now, a new girl in his life that he’s been hiding away from me,
vi. And all those excuses he keeps on giving me, he’s willing to throw those all out for his someone new,
vii. and I hate that I don’t hate him,
viii. and I shouldn’t love him, but I do,
ix. and I know I should try to move on, but it’s hard.
x. And when I think I’m finally over him, I would walk right into him, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with him, all over again.
I try to hate him, but I can’t.
– – –
// I’m so sorry to the one who requested for this, it took so long. Writing other people’s stories are my weakness. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to bring justice to their feelings and stories and pains, that’s why I keep on putting this off on my writing list. I used most of your words so it would still feels true for you.
// if you would like a custom piece for yourself or for your loved ones, just message me on any of my social media accounts or email me at email@example.com for details.
I dreamt of him last night and he asked me, “What’s your biggest mistake?”
I reached for his hands, but I woke up before I could answer him. And even though I knew he couldn’t hear me then, I still said it aloud, “You. Losing you. It will always be you.”
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #32
It hurts, isn’t it? To receive from someone else the same love and attention you so much crave from him.
But that’s not what hurts the most.
To see him giving that same love and attention you want from him to someone else over and over again. To know that he’s fully capable to show you that love, but he just didn’t choose you, and he keep on not choosing you.
I think, that’s what hurts the most.
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #31