They say you can never imagine what doesn’t exist. You can only imagine what exists and what will exist, but never what will never exist.
This is true.
I can see alternate futures. The different choices we make leads to different versions of the futures, branching in and out like that of a winding road, sending us to a completely different path.
This is our versions:
1. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, where you choose me instead of her. This doesn’t end well. We will grow to resent each other as time passes by. You will be irritable and moody, and I will grow to hate you. It will be a love-hate relationship where there will be too many fights, and make up sex, and not enough nourishing love. The thing is, we will play too many games that will both hurt us, you will still love me and I will still love you, but our dreams will be better than reality.
2. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, where you stick with what is now. Never changing, never rocking the boat, moving through the same motions day in and day out, never changing your feelings for me, or thoughts, and actions, believing and swearing that on next life, you’ll choose me and we will live happily ever after. The thing is, I can see this far. On next life, you’ll recognize me instantly, without a doubt, but I won’t recognize you. When you find me, I would love someone else by then, and I’ll be holding the same hands I’ll be holding in this lifetime if you choose this path. You will realize then that I’m living a good and satisfying life, and you will decide to keep your distance. This next life maybe your worst life of all the lifetimes you will ever live. You will live a life of unproductivity and drunkenness. Partly because you will see what I see now, that on the next next life, there will be no more us, or on the other futures to come. And we will never be together again. There are futures that seems final, and there are futures that are still changing. This version seems final. Proceed with caution.
3. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, one that ends quite well. Quite related to the one above, only that in this one, you decided to change your feelings for me, without bitterness or animosity, just good intentions and well-wishes, and in this path you’ll live a life of happiness. I, on the other hand, will live a life of contentment and happiness. It will be a good and satisfying life to both of us, separately but running parallel with each other. Your ups will be my ups, my downs will be your downs. On next life though, I’ll be holding the same hands I’ll be holding in this life, should you choose this path. The thing is, as I’m writing this, the future is still changing. On next life, I may be holding yours. And this version is still open-ended.
4. Then there is this version of us, in an alternate future, you ‘fight’ for me and not just ‘choose’ me, whatever that means. Remember that I can’t see the hows, just only the outcome. In this version, you are happy, and I am happy, and we are together. For some reason, this version will stretch for eternity, going on and on, without us needing a next life. The thing is, this future doesn’t exist before, and I have never seen it until only now. I can still see it now quite clearly. I do not know what change. But thank you.
There are many, many more other versions of futures that I haven’t explored, and going through all of it would give me quite a book to write.
5. There is this version when I choose someone else I know now, and I will live an unhappy miserable life, and you will live an unhappy life too, and we will just repeat this same life on the next. If I will choose this path, I see that on next life, I would choose the person I described in 2nd and 3rd versions instead of you, and I will still be happy then.
6. Then, there’s this version of what will happen when I choose to run away from you now. I might forever lose the opportunity to meet the person I’ve seen in the 2nd and 3rd versions. And I ‘might’ end with the unhappy one. After this, I cannot see what’s next for me or for you, which is quite scary, though it can also mean that this version for now is not yet set in stone, unless if I choose this path.
On the 1st version, I will die. On the 2nd and 3rd versions, I ‘might’ die. On the 4th, I do not see death. The 5th and 6th, I haven’t explored yet.
You see, there are futures that I can change, and there are futures that I cannot change. I did my best with those I can change.
Ours, however, is something that I cannot change, because this is yours to change.
So love, please proceed with caution.