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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

The Future of Us

They say you can never imagine what doesn’t exist. You can only imagine what exists and what will exist, but never what will never exist.

This is true.

I can see alternate futures. The different choices we make leads to different versions of the futures, branching in and out like that of a winding road, sending us to a completely different path.

This is our versions:

1. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, where you choose me instead of her. This doesn’t end well. We will grow to resent each other as time passes by. You will be irritable and moody, and I will grow to hate you. It will be a love-hate relationship where there will be too many fights, and make up sex, and not enough nourishing love. The thing is, we will play too many games that will both hurt us, you will still love me and I will still love you, but our dreams will be better than reality.

2. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, where you stick with what is now. Never changing, never rocking the boat, moving through the same motions day in and day out, never changing your feelings for me, or thoughts, and actions, believing and swearing that on next life, you’ll choose me and we will live happily ever after. The thing is, I can see this far. On next life, you’ll recognize me instantly, without a doubt, but I won’t recognize you. When you find me, I would love someone else by then, and I’ll be holding the same hands I’ll be holding in this lifetime if you choose this path. You will realize then that I’m living a good and satisfying life, and you will decide to keep your distance. This next life maybe your worst life of all the lifetimes you will ever live. You will live a life of unproductivity and drunkenness. Partly because you will see what I see now, that on the next next life, there will be no more us, or on the other futures to come. And we will never be together again. There are futures that seems final, and there are futures that are still changing. This version seems final. Proceed with caution.

3. There is this version of us, in an alternate future, one that ends quite well. Quite related to the one above, only that in this one, you decided to change your feelings for me, without bitterness or animosity, just good intentions and well-wishes, and in this path you’ll live a life of happiness. I, on the other hand, will live a life of contentment and happiness. It will be a good and satisfying life to both of us, separately but running parallel with each other. Your ups will be my ups, my downs will be your downs. On next life though, I’ll be holding the same hands I’ll be holding in this life, should you choose this path. The thing is, as I’m writing this, the future is still changing. On next life, I may be holding yours. And this version is still open-ended.

4. Then there is this version of us, in an alternate future, you ‘fight’ for me and not just ‘choose’ me, whatever that means. Remember that I can’t see the hows, just only the outcome. In this version, you are happy, and I am happy, and we are together. For some reason, this version will stretch for eternity, going on and on, without us needing a next life. The thing is, this future doesn’t exist before, and I have never seen it until only now. I can still see it now quite clearly. I do not know what change. But thank you.

There are many, many more other versions of futures that I haven’t explored, and going through all of it would give me quite a book to write.

5. There is this version when I choose someone else I know now, and I will live an unhappy miserable life, and you will live an unhappy life too, and we will just repeat this same life on the next. If I will choose this path, I see that on next life, I would choose the person I described in 2nd and 3rd versions instead of you, and I will still be happy then.

6. Then, there’s this version of what will happen when I choose to run away from you now. I might forever lose the opportunity to meet the person I’ve seen in the 2nd and 3rd versions. And I ‘might’ end with the unhappy one. After this, I cannot see what’s next for me or for you, which is quite scary, though it can also mean that this version for now is not yet set in stone, unless if I choose this path.

On the 1st version, I will die. On the 2nd and 3rd versions, I ‘might’ die. On the 4th, I do not see death. The 5th and 6th, I haven’t explored yet.

You see, there are futures that I can change, and there are futures that I cannot change. I did my best with those I can change.

Ours, however, is something that I cannot change, because this is yours to change.

So love, please proceed with caution.

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365, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

The day I said I love you

The day I said I love you, I plucked the words I would say out of the ether and weaved magic in it, just so I could present it elegantly to you. I laced my words with sugar cubes so that it would taste sweet in your mouth, and poured warm honey in it so that it would melt on your tongue.

The day I said I love you, I casted my name with a memory spell so that my name would linger and last a little longer on your lips, and you wouldn’t mistake me for someone else.

I waved a wand to still my racing heart, and made a last wish to a shooting star.

I guess my charms and all those preparations failed to work with you, because the day I said I love you, you laughed out loud and crushed my beautiful words under your foot, and dismissed me with a wave of hand.

You said I’m a fool.

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365, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

Stars

I heard before that the stars we see every night, those little source of light, twinkling and glittering and painting the night sky are long dead. Yet they still give beauty to everyone who looks at them at night. They still give hope and inspiration to everyone who finds meaning in their existence. Maybe that’s the reason why God created them. To remind us that even on the darkest of the darkest night of our soul, the memories of our loved ones can still give a glimmer of light and a twinkle in our hearts even when they are long gone, just like the stars.

I stare at the night sky today. The stars cannot be seen, the clouds obscuring their twinkling light. But I know behind those clouds, they’re still there. Somewhere far away in the distant. Alive and beating and twinkling, just in a different time. And who knows, maybe the stars do laugh and we’re just too far away behind in time to really know.

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365, Prose, Random Thoughts, Writings

17

There’s something so painful about chasing the memories and love of a dead person. It’s like trying to hope for a better future, a future you know that wouldn’t involve them anymore. A future you once thought would be all about you and him.

I heard our song on the radio while on my way to office, and I was hurled back in time in an instant. It’s still hard to grasp what happened, like it seems to happen just yesterday and I was on the pavement of the hospital, crying my heart and soul out.

What you did, why you did, the theories behind it, the mechanics, I all understand it now. I studied it for you. I just wish I’d understood it before when you’re still clinging to me for life support, like I’m your anchor that keeps you from floating away from this world that demands too much of you.

I wish I held your hand tighter, and hugged you a little bit longer, and listened to you a little bit more patiently. But I didn’t. I took you a little bit for granted because I thought you’d be my forever, that you’ll always be here on my side, that you’ll always be my partner in crime.

When you left us, the world stop spinning for me as if for punishment. That’s the time I also realized that time could bend, that time could stand still and that it could stop just like that for me, the bright noise of the world dimming in a blink of an eye, the curtains closing, and I’m left with nothing but your memories and the white noise behind.

And contrary to what you always say to me, I learned that there’s such thing as too late. And I’d been too late. I’m so sorry.

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365, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

An Open Letter to all the Girls: You’re not just a pretty icing on the cake

Dont make them your full course meal if you’re just an icing on their cake. You deserve more than that. You fucking deserve more than that. You deserve the moon and the stars and all those shit that guys promise to the girl they love. You deserve a goodnight text, not a ‘where are you, come here’ at 1 am. You deserve a goodmorning text, not a panic attack each night that he might be gone when you wake up. Hell, you deserve handwritten love notes and not just a text.

You deserve a breakfast in bed, or at the kitchen, as long as it is breakfast and it is your favorite pancake drizzled with your favorite chocolate and mapple syrup, because who cares if you gain a little bit of weight, he loves you anyways. You deserve a forehead kiss and tender kisses on your lips, and not a slap on your backside. You deserve a cuddle whenever you’re feeling out of sorts, and not a quick fuck. You deserve I love you’s, and not ‘give me some space’. You deserve much more than this. You deserve all of it, because girl, you are the baker of your own life and you… you can choose to be more than the pretty icing on their cake.


Not my usual type of writing though. 😁 Just came out of the blue for the prompt.

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365, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

Eclipse

Loving you is like being a moon falling in love with the sun, always from afar, never meeting, never touching.

We may exist in the same galaxy, breathe the same space, bound by the same time-continuum, created by the same Creator, yet here I am, and there you are, both of us tied to Earth out of obligation.

And then the people would always wonder why the moon is mercurial and moody, always waxing and waning, when they never know of our story, of a love that never meets.

Once in a while though, the heavens would pity us and would give us a chance to meet face to face and a solar eclipse would happen. I would bask in your warmth and all the people would watch in awe. Our encounters though never lasted for long, it always end as soon as it begin. Once in a while, the heavens would also remind us that our love is never meant to be, and a lunar eclipse would happen. On those days when I couldn’t even see your face, and your warmth couldn’t even reach me, all I can do is shed tears made of blood. And the people would wonder why the moon is so red then, when they never know of our story, of a love that never touches.

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365, Prose, Writing Entries, Writings

Heart Shivers

My heart died a long time ago when he stopped loving me, and I wasn’t able to feel for a long time. But every time you whisper my name and tell me stories before I sleep, of fairies and dragons and angels that fall in love with humans, you give little shivers and flutters to my heart that I’m starting to believe that my heart will soon start beating again because of you.

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