365, Prose, Writings

Love Potion

There are times that all I wanted to do is to cling on to you, kiss you, nuzzle your neck, inhale your scent, remain in your embrace, be surrounded with your oh so good energy, and never let go. And there are times that I’d always tell you to “let me go.” The confusion must be maddening, isn’t? On those times I tell you to let go are those times that I am hurting the most. And I do want you to let go, because as much as there are days that I will be bright and loving again, there will be times like this, times that all I wanted to do is to push you away, and run away from you, and hide under my bed, and curse you, and punch you in the face if I could. Because it was you who put me into this so much mess that I don’t know how to escape to. It was you who makes me feel so unholy, I feel like I’m falling from grace all over again.

It was you who first watch me fall from grace, don’t you remember? For I can still taste your name on my lips as I fell, and as you watched me fall with your cold dead eyes, and I realized my mistake for uttering your name for your help. So please, don’t ask me to trust you, don’t expect me to trust you, because as much as I do trust you and I wanted to trust you, I will always battle with myself not to.

I’m falling for a second time, and I wonder if you put love potion on my drinks.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #2

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