He’ll never know how strongly a girl had once loved him.
// I got a request about unrequited love, this is not yet it though, sorry, i just feel so lazy writing these days and this all I could come up for now. 😔
This is how I’d fallen out of love of him:
I didn’t. It just that one day I woke up, and I just.. I just didn’t feel anything for him. Not love, not like, not hate, nor anger, not even sadness or disappointment, just.. nothing. Like my heart entered a sudden oblivion, and it just forgot. It forgot to remember to care for him or to think of him, and in a blink of an eye, everything about him, every feelings I associated with him is erased, and he didn’t matter anymore. Like he never really mattered at all.
And I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s a lot like looking at a blank grey canvas, what do you suppose to feel about it? Nothing, right? Nothing and just okay.
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33
i. He keeps on giving me excuses of why we couldn’t be together, and I keep on giving excuses for his excuses, because I believe we have a connection, and ours is not like any other.
ii. I know he’s the bad boy kind of guy, and I should probably stay away from him, but I keep on forgetting it whenever we were together, whenever we would go out on a ride and sing in the car,
iii. and for a moment, his laughter would drown out all my doubts and all my worries for our future.
iv. He told me I’m not like any other, that he never felt this way for anyone else before,
v. But he also never told me that he has someone else now, a new girl in his life that he’s been hiding away from me,
vi. And all those excuses he keeps on giving me, he’s willing to throw those all out for his someone new,
vii. and I hate that I don’t hate him,
viii. and I shouldn’t love him, but I do,
ix. and I know I should try to move on, but it’s hard.
x. And when I think I’m finally over him, I would walk right into him, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with him, all over again.
I try to hate him, but I can’t.
– – –
// I’m so sorry to the one who requested for this, it took so long. Writing other people’s stories are my weakness. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to bring justice to their feelings and stories and pains, that’s why I keep on putting this off on my writing list. I used most of your words so it would still feels true for you.
// if you would like a custom piece for yourself or for your loved ones, just message me on any of my social media accounts or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for details.
I dreamt of him last night and he asked me, “What’s your biggest mistake?”
I reached for his hands, but I woke up before I could answer him. And even though I knew he couldn’t hear me then, I still said it aloud, “You. Losing you. It will always be you.”
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #32
It hurts, isn’t it? To receive from someone else the same love and attention you so much crave from him.
But that’s not what hurts the most.
To see him giving that same love and attention you want from him to someone else over and over again. To know that he’s fully capable to show you that love, but he just didn’t choose you, and he keep on not choosing you.
I think, that’s what hurts the most.
//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #31
The first time I looked at you, I didn’t see forever, more like unnecessary pains and broken hearts. And the second time our eyes met, I swear I’d hated you. You were the epitome of everything I hated in a guy, yet life has a funny way of making things right. I guess the universe really falls in love with stubborn hearts, and ours were the most stubborn of all.
It’s been nth times now of looking at you and I’ve already lost count, it turns out that you’re my happily ever after, after all.
We don’t have anything in common except for this feeling of our hearts beating as one, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s enough. If love itself is enough. If love itself is enough to make every of our wrongs right. If love itself is enough to pull us through.
I guess my only self consolation for not being able to write is, I’m actually happy. It’s easy to bleed words when you are sad, but when you’re happy, it’s kind of hard to stop and pick up a pen and write things down, because you’re busy living life, being happy, being grateful. And it’s kind of a really really good feeling, and I guess happiness is a lot more difficult to capture in paper. I don’t even have words to express it.
[congrats to me! i’m signing off for awhile]
Wouldn’t it be nice if there’s at least one person who can read your mind or hear your thoughts? I hope there is, at least for me. So that whatever happens to me, someone would know. And I wouldn’t be lost in this oceans of people, even for that one person’s mind.
//something I’d thought about years ago.
I woke up from a dream I can’t remember, and it feels like I lose someone I can’t even remember who. And it just feel sad waking up, knowing I can’t go back, and there’s no way to go back.
// i think this is a result of me reading Never, Never book by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher. I have a hard time remembering dreams recently. 😭
Do you remember our first day together, our first touch, the first time you told me you love me, the first time you held my face in your hands and kiss me? Or how about that day you decided “I would like her to be with me for the rest of my life. I think she’s the one,” or that fateful day when you ask for my hand? Do you still remember any of it? Because I do. I still do. And those memories burned longer and brighter on my heart, those memories are engraved on me, memories that I know you also have. So why did you do this to me? Why did you cheat on me and leave me after all the moments we’ve shared? Why?
I thought this kind of problems only happen in movies, or in novels I read. It’s not supposed to happen in my life. I mean it’s you after all. The half of my life, the one I trusted the most, the one I loved the most. But it did happen. The first time I caught you cheating, I forgave you. It hurts so much, but I still keep on forgiving you. My trust with you are irreparably broken, and could you blame me? But I still choose to forgive you. I choose to forgive you because I love you. Why can’t you do the same for me?
// this is a custom piece request from someone. I hope I did justice to her story and feelings. Thank you so much for sharing and entrusting me your story.
// if you would like a custom piece for yourself or for your loved ones, just message me on any of my social media accounts or email me @ email@example.com for details.
Sing me a lullaby,
Of words too deep all I could do is feel,
Sing me songs from the ancient moon,
Of how it loves the sea and its tides,
And all the creatures underneath it.
Sing me the songs of the wolves,
Of their whisperings and howlings,
Of their pain and anguish,
And of how they love the moon so much,
All they could do is yearn,
And hate its moonlight glow.
Or better yet,
Sing me the songs of the winds,
Whispering beyond what you can hear,
And how they carry each wishes, unheard prayers, and unsung love notes,
To the hearts of the right ones
When the time is right.