365, Prose, Writings

Be brave

I remember the first time I saw an angel. It was night, and I was wishing on a falling star. Those were the times that my heart still beat the rhythm of myths and dragons, of fairies and fairytales, and of angels and fallen stars. My heart was still so young and naïve then that I would believe I could fly and grow wings out of my back if someone would tell me I could do so.

He kissed my tears away while my eyes were closed and as I wished upon a falling star.

“Be brave,” he whispered. His lips grazed lightly on my forehead, and I heard the first stirrings of my innocent heart.

I caught a glimpse of him before he completely vanished into the thin air.

He has beautiful auburn hair.

Coal black wings.

– – –

//old post again. Though I rewrite and correct most grammar errors I made in the past. 😁😅 Originally entitled, “Auburn hair.”

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365, Prose, Writings

Photographs

I think you will never know how much I want to take a picture of you when you’re not looking, to capture you in those moments when you’re just being yourself, caught up in some daily task, or thoughts and daydreams that I would never even know, times when you’re unaware, and unabashedly imperfect. I wish I have taken those photos of you so that when this day comes, I’ll have those photos to remind me of you, and remember that once upon a time, I had fallen in love with a boy who never even knew how much I loved him.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #25

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365, Poetry, Writings

Drifting into space

It feels a lot like drifting into space,
Without gravity to hold me into place,
As the world continue to spin and live
While here I am,
Struggling to orbit
Fucking lost on my own axis.

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365, Prose, Writings

Note to self

Let your mind and heart rest for a while. You will catch up, the world will not stop spinning for you, but you will catch up. Take a rest.

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365, Poetry, Writings

I will trade

I will trade
My soul
for your kiss
My eyes
for your smiles
My breath
for your whispers
My skin
for your touch
My hands
for your embrace
My feet
for your presence,
and if that still isn’t enough
I will give up my life
just to see you through.

– – –

//an old old post. I know, this feels like cheating, and I promise to try to post new pieces for 365 next time. I’m just caught up in life recently.

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365, Prose, Writings

Indifference

“I’m starting to hate him,” I said to my mom.

“Hate is good,” she said. “At least your starting to see him for what he is, and not what you think he is, at least your starting to know what you deserve, and not the little crumbs that he’s been giving you for far too long, at least when you look at him, you’re not looking at him with this rose colored spectacles anymore, instead, you’re seeing him eye to eye, wide-eyed, and in black and white panoramic view. Honey, this are the few times hate is good. But don’t stay too long hating him, because that means he’s still got a hold on you. Indifference. Indifference is better.”

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #24


A.N. okay, there’s no way my mom has said this. I’m the best ever liar in paper (not-so in person), so don’t ever (even for a single second) believe anything I’ve written in this blog, even if you think you know me. This goes for my past posts, really.  😁  I write sad, sad stories. Some are disturbing. Some I plucked straight out of my life and others are pure imagination. I weave truth and fiction into one, and you wouldn’t know which is which, so don’t wonder anymore. But for the curious and wondering minds, this post has 65% truth. 

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365, Prose, Writings

If a tree falls in a forest

I was taught young how to be stone-cold, self-reliant, to hold myself high and poised, with a ready smile and a subtle charm ready to conquer the world. So I learned from early on to only cry behind close doors, on dim lights, without sound, to howl in pain silently, to break down without anyone knowing, and to never ask for help. Because when no one sees you suffering, do you really suffer? Much like, when a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I can always just pretend that whatever pains me never happened, and I can always go back and face the world pretending I’m okay.

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365, Prose, Writings

Look for me

When one day you look back and feel lonely, when all your struggles come crushing you down, when you want someone to listen to your silent pleas, and you want a hug and find no one to hug you, find me. I’ll be staying alive in the dreams you have before you sleep. And if there comes a day when you cannot reach me in your dreams, look for me. That’s when I’m drowning on my own struggles, that’s when I want someone to listen to me and hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. That’s when I need you most.

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365, Prose, Writings

Untitled

Do you know that feeling where you just wanted to say “I don’t know what to do” over and over again? Because you literally don’t have an idea what to do anymore and you feel like you’re trapped in this black black void of mess you can’t seem to get out of no matter how fast you tried to run?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. And you know what, if you’re ever feeling this, you’re not alone. I’m so deep and stuck in this moment too. I don’t know what to do.

//excerpt from a book i’ll never write #23

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365, Prose, Writings

To the moon and back

There was once a boy who offered me the moon. You should see him then, he had this big orb glowing in his hands with little pockets of curve on its surface, and a boyish smile that could set the whole sky alight. I should have taken his offer, but I didn’t. For this boy is made of darkness, and all he has throughout his life is this little moon, a little light in the expanse of his darkness, and I love this boy too much to take away his one source of light and happiness.

Too late when I realize that by giving me his moon, he was really asking me to be his newfound light, his new source of happiness, and silly me had said no.

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365, Poetry, Writings

Pluck my eyes out

Will every pain ends when my eyes can no longer shed tears? Or will it just tear me up from the inside out?

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365, Poetry, Writings

Falling

I fell in love
with the cracked
and broken pieces of you
So when you showed me your good side
I fell more deeper and deeper
that I do not know
if I would ever survive
the landing.

– – –

A.N. sorry, this is the quality of poem I make when I’m feeling too lazy to even think of something. 😅😁

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365, Prose, Writings

Please don’t fall in love with me

Sometimes I wish I have a warning sign across my head saying “Please don’t fall in love with me.”

Please don’t fall in love with me, I am cruel, cold, distant, heartless, and unemotional. My guards and walls are way up high in the sky, and it will take too much of an effort for you to climb it up, much more to destroy it all the way down.

Please don’t fall in love with me, I will cringe every time you touch me, and I’ll remember all the horrible ways I was touched before. I’ll always have my slippers and my bags packed, ready to go, and my heart ready to run away from you. And I will not look back.

Please don’t fall in love with me, I will always protect myself first before thinking of loving you, and most of the time I don’t even know how to love myself for me to know how to love you back.

Please don’t fall in love with me, unless you’re prepared to share your one beating heart with me. A boy had stolen my heart a long time ago, and he never gave it back to me, and I wasn’t able to retrieve it again. And if you do share your heart, expect me to be possessive, jealous, and moody for I will not accept any other occupants of your heart.

Fall in love with me only if you’re ready to give it your all, only if you’re ready to battle with all of my demons, and only if you love me despite all that I am and all that I’m not.

And to the boy who had stolen my heart, please fall in love with me.

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